Every year I get excited to hear the new Dancing With the Stars lineup, and yet every year, I respond with an even bigger “Who?!” after it’s revealed.
This year E! Online asked a few people about their thoughts on each of the “Star” cast members. The answers are quite hysterical. Well known celebs or not, the show will probably still be fabulous as always. Will you be watching this season?
DWTS Superfan: Was that the girl who did Caroline in the City?
Foreign Businessman: Victoria’s Secret model?
5-Year-Old: Goes to the bathroom a lot.
Entertainment Reporter: Caroline in the City!
Lawyer: Had to Google…I obviously knew who she was the minute I saw her face. I dig it.
Midwestern Nurse: I think she’s an actress. I think she’s from one of those broadway shows. An FBI agent on USA or something.
DWTS Superfan: From Cheech and Chong?
Foreign Businessman: Pro golfer.
5-Year-Old: He is a zookeeper.
Entertainment Reporter: One half of Cheech and Chong?
Lawyer: No Cheech? It’s that Chong, right?
Midwestern Nurse: Something to do with karate? Or gymnastics?
DWTS Superfan: Ha! Is he related to Juicy?
Foreign Businessman: No idea.
5-Year-Old: Oh, random. The person that you just said, he is random. I think he takes care of my little brother.
Entertainment Reporter: Pass.
Midwestern Nurse: Fashion designer? Purses?
DWTS Superfan: That’s the Olympian, right? Got one right!
Foreign Businessman: She is a reporter on the morning news in LA.
5-Year-Old: He’s a superhero.
Entertainment Reporter: Olympic athlete that will probably win because athletes dominate.
Midwestern Nurse: Haven’t a clue.
DWTS Superfan: Travis? Tavis? Who would name their kid Tavis? Smiley sounds familiar…Is it a guy?
Foreign Businessman: Host from NPR.
5-Year-Old: He has Smiley in his name! Oh, I love you Mr. Smiley Face! [Kiss.]
Entertainment Reporter: Did you mean Travis? Either way I don’t know.
Lawyer: You’re better than this, Tavis.
Midwestern Nurse: A dentist? Wow. I think it’s time for them to go off the air. They are getting pretty desperate.
Antonio Sabato Jr.
DWTS Superfan: He’s gotta be an athlete. Is he? The name sounds familiar.
Foreign Businessman: Race car driver.
5-Year-Old: He almost has like a butt in his name. Oh! He works and sews pants.
Entertainment Reporter: Soap star with nice lips.
Lawyer: Will he dance in his underwear?
Midwestern Nurse: Car race driver.
DWTS Superfan: What? Never heard of him.
Foreign Businessman: Don’t know.
5-Year-Old: [Laughs hysterically.] He has a wall in his name and he trips a lot!
Entertainment Reporter: Sorry man, I have no idea.
Lawyer: No clue.
Midwestern Nurse: I have no idea. Can’t even guess.
DWTS Superfan: Is he a football player? Oh, him? Hm…he was nice-looking. That’s the one that she liked?
Foreign Businessman: Father of that little girl that went missing?
5-Year-Old: Poops in his pants.
Entertainment Reporter: He looks sexy with his hair pushed back.
Lawyer: I had to google him, but I instantly knew who he was having seen Mean Girls countless times.
Midwestern Nurse: Son of Tony Bennett.
DWTS Superfan: Hm…that’s not the kid from the Fresh Prince, right? It is?! He hasn’t been on anything else, right? I loved him on that show, I thought he was so funny.
Foreign Businessman: Daytime soap opera star.
5-Year-Old: That’s a funny name.
Entertainment Reporter: Carlton from Fresh Prince?
Lawyer: Wasn’t Carlton on this show already?
Midwestern Nurse: Has to be an actor. Maybe a soap guy?
DWTS Superfan: No clue. [Editor explains that she does make-up tutorials on YouTube.] Oh, I need her!
Foreign Businessman: Oh, Bethany Mota. She is a Brazilian singer.
5-Year-Old: She’s a reporter.
Entertainment Reporter: Not a clue who this is.
Law Student: No idea so I googled her out of curiosity. Still nothing. Also, she is not a star…
Midwestern Nurse: Don’t know.
DWTS Superfan: The designer? Oh. I don’t know. [Pause.] She’s weird.
Foreign Businessman: Track and field medalist?
5-Year-Old: He helps the zookeeper.
Entertainment Reporter: She is a designer, yes?
Lawyer: She’ll be fun to watch in the hot-mess-can’t-look-away-from-the-train-wreck kind of way.
Midwestern Nurse: I’m going to say a tennis player, but I know that’s not right.
DWTS Superfan: Is she one of the Housewives? Who is she?
Foreign Businessman: Fashion designer from Project Runway.
5-Year-Old: That sounds like Aunt Jen.
Entertainment Reporter: I believe one of the Pretty Little Liars.
Lawyer: No idea.
Midwestern Nurse: Don’t know.
DWTS Superfan: I have no clue.
Foreign Businessman: Pass.
5-Year-Old: Makes magnet boards.
Entertainment Reporter: Teen singer?
Law Student: Gross…gross to all things Duck Dynasty.
Midwestern Nurse: An off-Broadway star because “Sadie Sadie married lady.”
Written by Stevie Guarino